Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
