there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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