Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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