i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
