so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
