Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
