Barsexuality is the new black.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
