Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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