I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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