Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
