what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
