If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
