I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
