I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
