would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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