All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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