i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
