She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
