chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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