dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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