I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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