I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
