i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
