Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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