Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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