so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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