Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just cut my nipple shaving
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
