i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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