I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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