I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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