There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
