There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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