Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
