it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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