Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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