Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
