just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
