It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
