I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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