Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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