I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
