He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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