I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
