i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
