last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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