I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
