You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
