you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
