You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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