Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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