Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
