Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
organizing the empties. That sober.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
