omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
