Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
