he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
