YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
