Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
