the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just want to make out with him forever
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
