I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
