just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
