i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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